The Humorous History of English Football. Vol.1

Formatted for eBook

Synopsis:

A humorous history of English football from its invention as a festival activity in the streets of England until the moment in the 1950 World Cup when the nation that created the game lost their dominance of it.

List of Chapters:
Shrovetide Football
Public Schools Football
The First Football Clubs
Chaos
The Formation of the FA
Charles Alcock: Father of the FA Cup
The First International Match
Preston North End: The Invisibles
Football Innovations
The FA Cup Stolen!
The Maximum WAG
Alf Common: The First £1,000 Trancer
Cigarette Cards
Th Howarth Affair
The White Horse Final
Back to Square One
Herbert Chapman: Football’s Greatest Innovator
England Are Out of This World
Ronnie Dix: Boy Wonder
Coloured Sports Newspapers
1950: Below Horizontal

Excerpts:

FA Rules 1863:
1. Hacking is forbidden. Indeed, any attempt to gain information about future opponents will be frownd upon.
5. A player will be banned for life if he is caught throwing a match, especially if it is thrown at FA Headquarters, having first doused the building in oil.
13. Players must not use deodorants or perfumes in the players’ tunnel otherwise it could become confused with the Chanel Tunnel.
(From The Formation of the FA)

Instead of playing on a green surface, a giant flag of the host country shall be painted over the entire pitch (this idea was dropped when it was realised that all Isle of Man home matches would have to be played over three legs).
(From The First International Match)

Preston became the first Football League Champions. They negotiated all 22 league matches without defeat (from the observations of their fans they seemed to negotiate them without dehands, dearms, delegs and deheads too).
(From Preston North End: The Invisibles)

It was agreed to engage the services of The Archbishop of Canterbury to bless the grass as then the Wembley pitch would be considered hallowed turf. However, they needed to ensure that his Holiness was not standing in an offside position otherwise it would become dis-hallowed turf.
(From The White Horse Final)

‘Funnier than an England World Cup campaign…and that takes some doing!’